When the Person Who Needs It Won’t Mediate

Please Share

What can a family do when the aging person who seems to be the focal point of a conflict refuses to mediate the dispute? Other than trying to persuade the reluctant one to try it, there is no way to force anyone to mediation. It is a purely voluntary process. Without cooperation from everyone involved, the chances of success are zero.

Sometimes, there is a misconception that the mediator is going to tell someone that they are wrong, or tell the difficult person what to do. Unfortunately, that shouldn’t happen in mediation. Mediators are neutral. That means, they don’t take sides. If the mediator tells the person in question that he or she is wrong, that immediately takes the mediator onto a side and out of the middle.

In my litigation career, I attended countless mediations as an advocate for my clients. I advocated for their positions. The lawyer on the other side advocated for her or his clients’ positions. The mediators who were good at the job of mediation invited each of us to look at the conflict (a legal case) from a different point of view. The mediator suggested a possible compromise, pointed out the weaknesses in our analysis or position, and often did exactly the same with the other side when we were in a separate room.

I also saw terrible mediators, whose work was so lacking in neutrality that I resented paying the mediator’s fee. One mediator took on my client and argued with him, heatedly, trying to get my client to change his viewpoint of the value of the case. That mediation failed.

Mediation of family conflicts is a special arena, which should be reserved for mediators who understand family dynamics and respect all or both sides. Big egos who try to force a change in thinking from the parties are likely to alienate them. Success at mediation of family conflicts starts with getting all parties, including the reluctant ones, to the table to begin the conversation.

Reluctant parties can change their minds. It happens at mediation every day. But no one will do that if he or she feels forced into it.

Learn more about mediating family disputes in How to Handle Family Conflicts About Elders, from The Boomer’s Guide to Aging Parents, available in ebook, print, or audio formats.

Tiny URL for this post:
 

Please Share
JUST RELEASED “The Family Guide To Aging Parents”
Stack Of CashCheck out our latest website: AgingInvestor.com click HERE to learn more
FREE Report: “One Critical Step You Must Take To Avoid Your Aging Parents Debts”
CLICK on the image Below
Testimonials by our readers
"Thank you for the article on the "grey area". It validated what I am currently going through with my Mother. It is so painful for me to go back and forth with her behavior. I just don't know what to do about the estranged sister who has exploited well over $50K of my mother's savings and my Mothers admitted " lack of "will power" to say no to her." Robert ________________________________ "I do want to thank you for the Webinar you offered. It helped me a great deal as I was facing the need to lead our family in finding a safe living situation for our mother. That information and the other information you offered as downloads gave me much needed guidance when I was feeling tremendous anxiety and uncertainty." Betty
FREE Report: 10 Warning Signs Your Aging Parent Needs Help With Money
Get Quick Tips – Newsletter FREE…. Just CLICK Below
Categories
Archives
  • A Remedy For Isolated Aging Parents April 30, 2019
    By Carolyn Rosenblatt, RN, Attorney, AgingParents.com The U.S. Census Bureau projects that by 2060, nearly twenty-five percent of Americans will be age 65 and above.  At the same point, the number of people age 85 and older will triple. What will they…Read more ›
    Carolyn Rosenblatt
  • Warn Your Aging Parents About Fake “Social Security” Calls–They’re Scams April 10, 2019
    Carolyn L. Rosenblatt, RN, Elder law attorney, AgingParents.com Scams targeting our aging loved ones never seem to stop. Thieves can fool the recipient of a call by showing a “real” number on caller ID with spoofing computer software. That’s a…Read more ›
    Mikol Davis
  • Your Aging Parents and Suspicious Financial Activity March 20, 2019
    Carolyn L. Rosenblatt, RN, Elder Law Attorney, AgingParents.com Banks and the government collect data on financial elder abuse. No matter how much data the government collects, the problem does not seem to be getting better by any measure. The Office…Read more ›
    Carolyn Rosenblatt
  • What Can You Say To An Aging Parent Who Is Dying? March 16, 2019
    Carolyn L. Rosenblatt, RN, Elder Law Attorney Death and dying are almost taboo to talk about. Since most folks avoid this topic altogether, we at AgingParents.com thought it deserved some attention. We personally had to face a conversation about it…Read more ›
    Mikol Davis
FREE Report: Mental Wellness Technique For Stress Relief