Start The New Year Right With Your Aging Loved Ones

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Here’s a New Year’s resolution you can adopt—keep closer tabs on your aging parents. If they’re generally doing ok, you may not think they need close monitoring. But aging is sneaky and can rob a person of the alertness needed to fend of financial abusers. Resolve to zoom in with them, starting now.

You always think it will happen to someone else. But financial fraud is rampant and can affect anyone, even smart, capable, successful older people. It can affect someone you love, including your aging parents.

The World Health Organization estimates that one in six older adults worldwide is a victim of elder abuse. As an example close to home, I saw scammers repeatedly go after my mother in law, in her 90s. She was not well educated but she had common sense. She sniffed out and rejected con men readily. She was with it enough to fend them off for years, until she was about 95, the last year of her life, when she became increasingly vulnerable. A fake “Medicare” con man finally got her on a phone call, and was able to extract all of her personal information before she even realized what had happened. (Note: Medicare NEVER calls anyone to “verify account information”). We learned of this the next day and rushed to the banks and financial institutions with her to change all of her accounts. This saved her from what was likely a masterful identity theft scheme. We were lucky to learn about it so soon after it happened. That was because of how we closely watched over her. We were in daily phone contact.

Keeping a close watch over your aging parents is indeed a gift. It may be a new resolution you make for the new year—pay closer attention to them. You can call weekly and as age takes its toll, maybe you call daily. Visit more often, or have a person who lives nearby be your eyes and ears. The point is, you have to know what’s going on in their lives so you can at least try to stop the scammers, thieves and abusers who target older people every day.

Sometimes aging parents don’t want your watching and accuse you of being nosy. However, persistence and gentle persuasion on your part can help. Use stories of how other very smart people have fallen for scams. At AgingParents.com, where we work with families of all kinds, we often hear of elders who believe they are perfectly fine even though everyone around them sees otherwise. Confusion, denial, memory loss and plain stubbornness on the elder’s part can make it very difficult for adult children to initiate the process of accessing information so that looking over an aging parent’s assets can even begin.

One tip we share with clients and one which seems effective from the feedback we get is that a first step is creating online access to parents’ accounts. This does not require that you, the adult child become a signatory on the account. That can lead to problems of another kind. Aging parents may or may not have bank and investment accounts online but this can be set up by the family members with their parents’ agreement. The trusted family member can at least see what is going on with the money, even without authority to stop or initiate transactions. You will notice suspicious activity and you can sound the alarm. You can ask your parent questions and may be able to thwart a crook from fooling them into giving up their money.

The Effect of Dementia

We know from competent research that dementia in any form damages financial judgment early in the disease process. This makes it imperative that someone other than the elder have the legal authority to take over financial matters at some point. One thing families can do in the event that dementia is affecting an aging parent is to see an estate planning attorney to update their estate plan, including the Durable Power of Attorney (DPOA) document. This is critical. One 91 year old confused client of ours with memory loss had only himself as agent on his wife’s DPOA and vice versa. She is bedridden and he is teetering on the edge of incapacity. Neither can really help the other protect against financial abuse. Families can prevent this dangerous scenario by initiating and following through with the proper appointment of a trusted younger person to be the DPOA. Without seeing an attorney, one can download a free, basic Durable Power of Attorney form from the internet in your parents’ state. That form may not cover every possibility, but it will do if parents resist seeing an attorney for drafting a more expanded, detailed form. It must be notarized.

In summary, families with aging parents can start the new year with a resolution to offer your elders greater protection going forward. Try these steps:

  1. Initiate the conversation with your aging loved ones about financial safety. Warn them of the dangers lurking.
  2. Get online access to accounts so you can see what actions are taking place. Sound the alarm when you see suspicious activity.
  3. Be sure your parents have a current, reasonable appointment of a younger agent on a Durable Power of Attorney document so the trusted person can step in if needed.

If your aging parents resist, keep trying. Do not give up when they refuse. In the right hands, a DPOA’s protection can truly keep them safer.

For individual, confidential coaching on how to approach and successfully communicate with a difficult aging parent on finances or other matter, call today for your appointment at AgingParents.com. In person, telephone or video conferences are available. (Professional fee-based services provided by AgingParents.com’s nurse-lawyer, psychologist team).

By Carolyn Rosenblatt, RN, Attorney, AgingParents.com

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