When the Person Who Needs It Won’t Mediate

Please Share

What can a family do when the aging person who seems to be the focal point of a conflict refuses to mediate the dispute? Other than trying to persuade the reluctant one to try it, there is no way to force anyone to mediation. It is a purely voluntary process. Without cooperation from everyone involved, the chances of success are zero.

Sometimes, there is a misconception that the mediator is going to tell someone that they are wrong, or tell the difficult person what to do. Unfortunately, that shouldn’t happen in mediation. Mediators are neutral. That means, they don’t take sides. If the mediator tells the person in question that he or she is wrong, that immediately takes the mediator onto a side and out of the middle.

In my litigation career, I attended countless mediations as an advocate for my clients. I advocated for their positions. The lawyer on the other side advocated for her or his clients’ positions. The mediators who were good at the job of mediation invited each of us to look at the conflict (a legal case) from a different point of view. The mediator suggested a possible compromise, pointed out the weaknesses in our analysis or position, and often did exactly the same with the other side when we were in a separate room.

I also saw terrible mediators, whose work was so lacking in neutrality that I resented paying the mediator’s fee. One mediator took on my client and argued with him, heatedly, trying to get my client to change his viewpoint of the value of the case. That mediation failed.

Mediation of family conflicts is a special arena, which should be reserved for mediators who understand family dynamics and respect all or both sides. Big egos who try to force a change in thinking from the parties are likely to alienate them. Success at mediation of family conflicts starts with getting all parties, including the reluctant ones, to the table to begin the conversation.

Reluctant parties can change their minds. It happens at mediation every day. But no one will do that if he or she feels forced into it.

Learn more about mediating family disputes in How to Handle Family Conflicts About Elders, from The Boomer’s Guide to Aging Parents, available in ebook, print, or audio formats.

Tiny URL for this post:
 

Please Share
JUST RELEASED “The Family Guide To Aging Parents”
Stack Of CashCheck out our latest website: AgingInvestor.com click HERE to learn more
FREE Report: “One Critical Step You Must Take To Avoid Your Aging Parents Debts”
CLICK on the image Below
Testimonials by our readers
"Thank you for the article on the "grey area". It validated what I am currently going through with my Mother. It is so painful for me to go back and forth with her behavior. I just don't know what to do about the estranged sister who has exploited well over $50K of my mother's savings and my Mothers admitted " lack of "will power" to say no to her." Robert ________________________________ "I do want to thank you for the Webinar you offered. It helped me a great deal as I was facing the need to lead our family in finding a safe living situation for our mother. That information and the other information you offered as downloads gave me much needed guidance when I was feeling tremendous anxiety and uncertainty." Betty
FREE Report: 10 Warning Signs Your Aging Parent Needs Help With Money
Get Quick Tips – Newsletter FREE…. Just CLICK Below
Categories
Archives
  • Some Feel Good News: An Uplifting Feat By A Centenarian May 30, 2020
    By Carolyn L Rosenblatt, RN, Attorney, Consultant, AgingParents.com With daily news of how many new COVID-19 cases we see and reports of how many deaths are happening, it’s a nice break to hear of a sweet and uplifting story. At…Read more ›
    Carolyn Rosenblatt
  • Form A Plan To Visit Your Aging Parents and Still Maintain Safety May 22, 2020
    Carolyn L. Rosenblatt, R.N., Attorney, Consultant, AgingParents.com For months, most of us have been following the quarantine rules, staying at home and respecting the infectious nature of COVID-19. We know that our elders, that is, people over 65 are at…Read more ›
    Mikol Davis
  • Five Ways Nursing Homes Can Stop The Tragic Spread Of COVID-19 May 1, 2020
    COVID-19 is particularly dangerous to our nation’s most vulnerable: those living in nursing homes. In some places, a state’s death rate from the disease is about 40-50% of all deaths from this pandemic. According to the Washington Post, the World…Read more ›
    Carolyn Rosenblatt
  • Vulnerable Aging Parents? Help Them With Legal Paperwork Now March 30, 2020
    Just about everyone understands that our elders are at greater risk because of the corona virus. The facts are inescapable: risk of serious illness is worse for those over 65, especially with other medical conditions like high blood pressure as…Read more ›
    Carolyn Rosenblatt
FREE Report: Mental Wellness Technique For Stress Relief